The hubs has developed a habit of calling me “Mama”. I don’t mind this on the odd occasion when we are out as a family. I dont mind this if he is asking the boys something and referring to me. However, as a moniker at the beginning of a adult conversation, when hubs calls me “Mama” , I just have to roll my eyes .
As a stay at home mother, I know “Mama” is a moniker that is meant as a term of endearment. I am the stay at home finder and keeper of all things and the caretaker to all. “Mama” is a compliment . But when I hear “Mama”, it is usually as a precursor to the unyielding questions and demands of “Where’s this ? ” “Where’s that?” variety or the ” Mummy, he’s touching me !” nightmare.
Once I am called “Mama”, I have one operating mode. I am chief soother, negotiator, problem solver and when all else fails, screamer ! Needless to say, my response, tone of voice and demeanor are more in keeping to the care and husbandry of my boys , not so much the hubs. He apparently doesn’t take well to being spoken to like an 8 year old!
Of course I have to ask, ” Why did you just call me Mama ? ” Well, I see you more as a mother than a wife”.
Cue crazy thoughts! What do you mean, you don’t see me as a wife? Am I neglecting you? Do you mean you don’t love me anymore? Are you having an affair ?
Cue sane thoughts ! Of course I am your wife . Of course I don’t neglect you . Of course you love me and you definitely aren’t playing away from home .
Cue moment of realization! I don’t want to be “Mama” to the hubs. I want to be wife, partner in crime, support and bestie. I want to be my grown up self occasionally . I want to luxuriate in conversations that involve words of multiple syllables, about things other than the kids. I want to chat and listen and share and connect. I want to kick back at the end of the day with a glass of wine, hold hands and laugh at the crazy day we have both had. Being “Mama” is a blessing but should not come at the expense of husband, of wife, of us. A start is how we communicate. It’s ok to put the mama moniker to bed and kick it up a notch…. honey , sweetie, love , even Hessie. These are all work . Just don’t call me Mama!